What are 1 and 2 Macadamias?

First and second macadamias are the reason our office boy, Bert, is in the hospital.

Again.

The first macadamia was just a macadamia. Just a nut that Janet, a co-worker, brought back from Hawaii, in a bag with a bunch of other nuts. Bert ate the first macadamia.

That's where the problem started. You see, Bert will admit he's allergic to pistachios because he doesn't really like pistachios. But he won't admit that he's actually allergic to all nuts, including almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, and, you guessed it, Macadamias. Which he loves.

So, Bert ate one Macadamia. First he started coughing. Then his throat got all red. Then his eyes started watering. It was cool, though. It passed. And we put the rest of the nuts in the cupboard on the top shelf.

But the next day, Janet brought out the Caramacs. Single, pristine macadamia nuts first covered in luscious caramel then coated in rich milk chocolate.

Bert found them.

He ate six.

Within three minutes, the reaction started. His immune system rose up in rebellion. His histamines started a civil war in his sinuses. Antibodies hammered his throat, causing it to swell shut. We rushed him to the hospital, but they were very low on antihistamine. There was only one small jar left. Would it be enough?

We spent eight days praying that it would be. Even though the nurses gave Bert dosages every six hours, that tiny jar didn't run out until evening of the eighth day, just as a new supply came in.

The next morning, we visited Bert in the hospital, just to find him finishing off a big jar of Nutella. Let me tell you, we smacked him harder than Mattathias' boys smacked Antiochus Epiphanes in 1 & 2 Maccabees.

Next time, Janet promises to bring a pineapple.

---