What is the Anti-Crust?

The Anti-Crust is a grassroots movement that believes bread crust is a great evil that will destroy the world. They believe that bread crusts are hard to chew, bitter, and that the over-baked oils that make them brown are a carcinogen.

The main foe of the Anti-Crust Movement is the Heelers. They say cutting off the crusts wastes good food, that crusts actually have a cancer-fighting antioxidant, and that if kids these days find crusts too hard to chew, they're just weak.

Anti-Crusters counter by saying crusts won't go to waste if you use them to feed birds.

Heelers respond by pointing out bread has little nutritional value and isn't good for birds.

Anti-Crusters say, fine, use the crusts to make bread pudding.

Heelers say, that's just adding sugar

Anti-Crusters sigh and say, well how about breadcrumbs or croutons?

Heelers roll their eyes and say what about the carcinogens?

Anti-Crusters point out that sometimes when you bite into a sandwich, the crust comes off in a long strip, making a mess.

Heelers remind them that without the crust, the jelly will squeeze out between the soft slices and drip on your gaming keyboard.

Anti-Crusters say, if crusts are so good, you eat them.

Heelers say, that's so mature!

Anti-Crusters say, what about the naked ring of pizza crust that's just a hard stick of un-nutritionness, unblessed by pepperoni?

Heelers say, haven't you ever tried dipping it in honey?

Anti-Crusters say, oooh, that sounds good.

Then they have a long discussion about the irredeemable evil that is the heel of a stale baguette.

Meanwhile, off to the side, those of us who can't have bread crunch on our lettuce wraps and go back to our novel. Good grief, it's bread crust, not the Antichrist.

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