What do awtheists believe about God?

A theist is someone who believes God exists. An awtheist is someone who thinks Jesus is a Precious Moments figurine. Instead of the traditional white robe/blue sash/blond haired Jesus, their pictures look like a Funko POP doll with big eyes and a huge head. He may be surrounded by little cotton ball sheep or riding a scooter. Even when imagined with a crown of thorns, the blood is attractively streaming down His face without being disturbing. Presumably, when such a figure is displayed, the person says, "Awww!"

This is radically different from a "pawtheist." Pawtheists find their life's meaning in their pets. Considering the love and sacrifice a dog gives, you might think that most pawtheists are dog-lovers. It is true there is a significant representation of dog-owning pawtheists, but most own cats. It's a remnant from the old pagan gods you do everything for in hopes they acknowledge your existence and maybe stop hacking things up on the carpet.

Completely unrelated is the "lawtheist." As you might imagine, a lawtheist believes they can earn their way to heaven by following rules. If you think they're descended from Pharisees, you're on the right track.

The popularity of these theisms is concerning, to say the least. Jesus is the God of the universe—the creator and sustainer of the world. He's not "cute," He can't be replaced by a pet, and He's not impressed with rule-keeping. To worship such a "god" is worse than being an atheist.

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