Which version of the bile should I read?

Um, I'm afraid you've reached a theologically conservative evangelical satire site. As such, we cannot endorse any type of fortune telling, including through reading someone's bile. Like, any version of bile. Gross.

Anyway, nor can we recommend reading cards, palms, stars, lots, livers, molten metal, scars, fire, runes, furniture arrangements, wax, bones, stones, bird flights, birthdates, roosters, planets, inner sight, entrails, crystal balls, facial features, gems, clouds, numbers, pendulums, mirrors, parakeets, tea leaves, rods, sticks, coffee grounds, dreams, random pages in books, dice, water, coins, yarrow stalks, moles, the dead, names, cookies, finger prints, maps, birth places, spit, Twitter posts, sound waves, impressions left by sitting on a velvet chair, baby spit-up, blood spatter, bar codes, computer code, grass stains, lace patterns, banana bruises, sidewalk cracks, twist ties, shadows, cold fronts, spilt milk, knitting patterns, flower petals, the bumps in your head, the bumps in cottage cheese, furnace filters, boiled eggs, crocodile tears, slug slime, squid ink, pancake batter, ink blots, or the damage left on a hardwood floor because you didn't use a mat under the dog's water bowl.

As an alternate, try reading the Bible. Good Bible versions include the NASB, NIV, NKJV, and ESV.

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