What are the beliefs of the Cat Lick Church?

The Cat Lick Church is the most common religion among domesticated cats, especially in the west. It developed out of the ancient Egyptian worship of cats, which felines generally think never should have ended. Unlike the Roman Catholic Church, the Cat Lick Church has a decidedly more feline focus.

Important principles of the Cat Lick Church include sacraments. These are:
•   Geobaptism: sprinkling random items towards earth by knocking them off a flat surface.
•   Penance: making you feel sorry for something they did.
•   Anointing by the Sick: throwing up hairballs in inopportune times and places.
•   Holy Orders: demanding what they want, when they want it.
•   The Euclawrist: shredding furniture or limbs as the mood strikes—this means actual flesh and blood.

Other notable doctrines of the Cat Lick Church are Immaculate Deception and Kitty Infalliblity. An overarching theme of the Cat Lick Church is the principle of "if I fits, I sits," which more or less means they do what they want, when they want.

Beyond their obnoxious behavior, adherents to the Cat Lick Church can be identified when they make the sign of the paws: licking a forelimb and passing it over their eyes. This intermingles their willingness to pretend people don't exist, the importance of cleanliness, and the motion of knocking stuff onto the floor.

In response to the many, many problems of the Cat Lick Church, dogs established their own branch of faith: Wooferans. This extremely ecumenical group basically loves everything, all the time, including cats. Wooferans interpret the care and love provided by humans as evidence that their owners must be divine. Cats, following the tenets of the Cat Lick Church, see the care of love of humans as evidence they, themselves, must be divine—comfortably settling their beliefs in pagan traditionalism.

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