Are Christians supposed to cleaver their spouses?

Long-married couples eventually stop asking each other "what are you thinking?" Supposedly, this is because they're afraid the answer might be "how I'd hide your corpse if I thought I could get away with it." Many an irked partner has been tempted to hammer, knife, mallet, shovel, or even cleaver their significant other. Such thoughts are, of course, patently unbiblical, so it's good they're rarely acted on.

To "cleaver" one's spouse, dismembering them with the heavy, flat-bladed tool used to chop meat, would be especially against the commands of Scripture. Even using the back of the blade, or the flat, or the handle, would still be sinful. Christians are called to cleave to their spouses, not cleaver them. Even when they lose the remote control or leave the seat up. The same would apply to cleating, clocking, cross-checking or other forms of mayhem.

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