How do I exercise denium out of me?

This is tricky, since denium bonds to body tissues much more readily than calcium, magnesium, or potassium. Unlike those beneficial nutrients, denium is associated mostly with negative symptoms. Effects of denium exposure include reluctance to wear fragile clothes, fondness for cowboy boots, and a bluish tinge to the skin. In extreme cases, sufferers may grow tiny pockets on their hips nobody ever uses. Unless, of course, they’re female, in which case there’s just a seam without a pocket for some reason.

Exercise is one way to remove denium from the system. This must be done with caution, however. Excessive exercise can convert denium into something more socially embarrassing, such as spandexine or yogattrium. Nobody needs to see that. Provided the denium concentrations are not too high, it’s best to leave well enough alone.

Despite occasional hysteria, most people’s symptoms have nothing to do with denium. This is not unlike the Christian concept of demon possession, a topic leading many to ask how to exorcise a demon. In both cases, incidences are rare and not as simplistic as popular culture would have us believe.

If you suspect denium exposure, seek DNA testing immediately. Doctors can diagnose the condition simply by looking at your jeans.

---