Will I go to heaven or parody when I die?

That depends on whether your faith was a parody of the truth, or the real deal.

If you thought going to church, acting nice, saying some prayers, giving money, confirmation, having religious relatives, being a good person, and such were more than enough to get you into heaven, then congratulations! Upon death, you'll find yourself in a land of puffy clouds, wearing a white robe and playing a harp. Saint Peter will greet you at a pair of pearl-encrusted gates, ushering you into a misty landscape filled with golden mega-mansions, expensive cars, buffets of nothing but bacon, and your very own custom-fit halo.

After which, you'll be promptly dropped out of that parody and straight into a fiery, eternal hell.

If you grasped the idea that nothing you do can undo your sin, and that you need to rely entirely on Christ's sacrifice on your behalf, then you'll eventually make your way to an actual heaven, not a temporary parody as part of some sick demonic joke.

Either way, expect no stops halfway or any almost-but-not-quite pauses in between. There is no such thing as purgatory.

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