What does "burning Kohl's afire on his head" mean?

My friend, who's a paramedic, told me this story.

Seems there was a man who loved to shop at Kohl's because he saved so much money. Plus, he got Kohl's cash—kind of a coupon to use within a set amount of time.

Repeatedly, he'd go in for a two-pack of Disney's Mickey Mouse Barefoot Dreams CozyChic Men's Socks or Oars + Alps Anti Aging Mineral Face Moisturizer and come out with a KitchenAid Artisan 5-qt Stand Mixer in Pistachio with the Vegetable Sheet Cutter Attachment or a set of American Tourister Burst Max Printed Hardside Spinner Luggage in Black Mercury Sunburst. Then he'd go home and show his wife how much he'd saved.

She would then tell him, again, that the discounts were made up and the "cash" was just their way to get him to buy more. He wouldn't believe her. She'd stomp off. He'd go back and get a Nostalgia Electrics Cascading Chocolate Fondue Fountain.

Finally, the wife had had enough. While he was replacing the Sonoma Goods For Life Outdoor Throw Pillows on his Crosley Furniture Biscayne Patio Chaise Lounge Chair, she dug through the drawer in his Decore Therapy Simplify One-Drawer Accent Table in Olive Branch and found his stash of Kohl's cash. While he put his new Lucid Dream Collection 2" Gel Memory Foam Topper with Breathable Cover on the bed, she took the cash to the Endless Summer Decorative Slate Tile Mantel LP Gas Outdoor Fire Pit, removed the Classic Accessories Ravenna Fire Pit Cover, and lit it up.

The moment the wife tossed the Kohl's cash on the flames—using his Outset 76254 Professional High Temperature Grill Glove, of course—the husband opened his Sun Zero Oslo Theater Grade Extreme 100% Blackout Grommet Curtain Panel in Flax and looked down from the bedroom window. He grabbed his Men's Levi's Stand-Collar Military Jacket and his Hideaways by L.B. Evans Roderic Suede Men's Slippers and stomped outside.

Just as he crossed the Nourison Aloha Dahlia Tropical Outdoor Rug and passed under the All Things Cedar PA96 Backyard Garden Wooden Traditional Archway Pagoda, a gust of wind caught the burning paper and it landed on his Men's Urban Pipeline Boonie Hat with Frayed Edge, catching it on fire. He, naturally, freaked out. He grabbed the rim of the hat and threw it up, where it unfortunately landed on his Safevieh 9-ft. Scalloped Trim Patio Umbrella in Navy.

From there, it got ridiculous.

By the time the firefighters put out the flames, the back patio was a smoking mess of melted plastic—my friend's pretty sure he has permanent lung damage. The man rushed to him and pointed at his wife, "Burning Kohl's! On my head!" He was okay, though. My friend was just thankful the firepit used glass and not Kamado Joe Chemical-Free Odorless Safe Outside Grill Fire Starter Cubes; if the wind had blown burning coals onto his head, it would not have been pretty.

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