What does the Bible say about sole mates?

So, you've decided to take the plunge and raise sole for pets. You've attended the 19-week class on "Sole Care," you've seen to your sole's financial well-being should you pass, and you've trained her to only buy things from Amazon that have free Prime shipping.

As mentioned in the class, socialization is important for any sole, and finding a mate for your sole is a good option. There are several different ways to do this:

Catch a mate: that is, just go in the ocean, set a trap, catch a sole, and take it home. This is a risky venture. Adult wild sole don't adjust to domestic settings very well. They find pond life boring and miss the danger and excitement of open water. Before long, your sole's Prime Video account will be filled with fishing shows from Stephen King-Crab and cooking lessons by Rachel Manta-Ray and Alton Browning. Your more genteel sole will find these programs disturbing if not horrifying.

Invite a friend: if you have a friend with a possible mate, you may invite him over for a visit. This is a less-risky endeavor since the couple can spend time getting to know each other before making a commitment. The disadvantage is that one of them has to go home at the end of the date and car rides can make them seasick. Even more tragic is if the two do hit it off, one will have to move, leaving their human friend soleless.

Invite an orphan: some soles are fine if their human friend dies but some need more care or socialization. If you take in a humanless sole, know that he'll need time to grieve and recover from his loss. And if he and your sole don't click the way you anticipated, you'll still need to care for him. Some of the sweetest friendships have come from adopting a humanless sole.

Online dating: all things considered, this is probably the best option. Just beware of catfish; they'll take your Netfish password and move on.

The most important thing to remember is that, as with people, finding a sole mate can be a long, difficult process of heartbreak and self-discovery. If your sole seems to reject every suitor for qualities you consider inconsequential, you may need to remind her that true love is largely a choice; there's no such thing as a soul mate.

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