Why does Jesus tell us to turn the other chick?

The command to "turn the other chick" is not ascribed to Jesus of Nazareth, who famously instructed His followers to "turn the other cheek." Given names were much less diverse in the ancient world than they are today. The lesser-known adage is ascribed to a controversial teacher known only as Jesus Barkalba, a known womanizer.

Barkalba's advice to "turn the other chick" is part of his instruction on how to keep simultaneous mistresses and girlfriends from finding out about each other. The full context of this direction is recorded as, "When thou proceedest into the city with thine mistress, and seeth thine wife approachething, allow not a confrontation—rather, turnest thine other chick so she is not seeneth, lest thou beeth in the doghouse. Eth."

This corresponds to Barkalba's infamous definition of an ideal life: "It is greatly desired that a man obtaineth a woman of great beauty, a woman of great wealth, a woman of industriousness, and a woman of deep wisdom, and to ensureth these four never meeteth." This would necessitate, at times, efforts to "turn the other chick."

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