Why does the Bible warn against apostrophe?

The Bible warns against apostrophe because of God's omniscience. This includes perfect knowledge of the past, present, and future. An apostrophe is a small, curved mark meant to imply either a contraction or a possessive in English grammar. Even before humanity used punctuation, God knew that the apostrophe would be a major problem. Jeremiah 2:9 explicitly says, "your apostrophe will reprove you."

In His infinite wisdom, God foresaw careless slobs and uneducated rubes improperly using this little mark. He knew this would happen in random texts and social media posts. He knew it would happen in hand-made posters. He even knew the apostrophe would be misused on professional signs and carvings. As one of the most common and aggravating sins against grammar, misuse of the apostrophe has been a plague on mankind for decades.

God's warning against apostrophe was intended to prevent people from making stupid mistakes like these:

"All jacket's are on sale."
"The car won't start because its out of gas."
"I bought they're CD and it was great."
"Book's and Magazine's Must Remain in Waiting Room's"
"Closed on Wednesday's"
"Enrique always find's the best memes."

Thankfully, part of God's plan to make all things new includes fixing these obnoxious grammar errors. Hosea 14:4 promises, "I will heal their apostrophe." The streets of New Jerusalem will only see proper use of punctuation marks. Not only will those who reject God and turn to apostasy be kept out of heaven, He will also bar people when their* not careful about their writing.



*[They're — Editor]

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