What does it mean that women are to be violent in church?

Corporal punishment, also referred to as spanking, is a topic of debate within Christianity. Whether believers should physically discipline children is controversial. On a related note, childcare within the church comes with similar questions. Those decisions fall primarily on the shoulders of women who are saddled with most of the in-service nursery duties of a typical congregation.

So, do nursery workers, mostly women, need to withhold physical discipline from their charges? Or should they apply corporal punishment? Scripture, as it turns out, makes it clear: women are to be violent in church. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" isn't just a rephrasing of Proverbs 13:24. It's a clear indication that children who want to re-enact Lord of the Flies in the toddler room need some serious "un-spoiling."

Let's be honest. While people think their kids are wonderful, many turn into demons once dropped off in nursery or Sunday School. Those children need some correction. There's no time for women in church to re-train or re-raise those kids. But they do have time to rearrange the boogers in Giani's snotty little nose with a well-placed palm. If Britnee won't stop shoving other children when asked, she might respond better to high-speed chiropractic treatment of the sacral vertebrae.

That's not to say women are to be excessively violent in church. Satisfying as it might be to yeet a habitual biter off a balcony into his parents' lap, it's going to start more problems than it will solve. But if young children were to learn that mouthing off to adults might mean getting their mouth smacked right off. . .let's just say society would be more polite.

A detailed look at biblically-based whuppin' techniques will need to wait for a part 2. I just got a text from the church secretary about an "emergency meeting," with the children's minister, so I gotta run. Something about moms calling in about my guest-teaching last week's children's church. Turns out, women have not been silent about my classroom management skills.

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