Why should I study the Book of Axe?

The Book of Axe is an extra-biblical account of Paul's ministry from the time he was first incarcerated in Rome until his death. Axe 1:1 claims that Luke wrote it as a third and final installment to Theophilus, but scholars doubt the attribution.

I mean, "scholars" doubt the authorship of almost every book of the New Testament, but legit Bible-preaching theologians do not think Luke actually wrote Axe or that it was inspired. It's still interesting to read, somewhat like The Shepherd of Hermas.

As you know, the book of Acts ends with two sentences that say Paul spent two years under house-arrest in Rome proclaiming the gospel to whomever visited. Although some of Paul's letters seem to describe further travels, we have no more narrative about Paul's ministry. The book of Axe claims to fill in the gaps.

It starts by reaffirming that the only reason people were willing to visit Paul in Rome is because Publius, the chief of Malta, had given Paul a lifetime supply of Axe Body Spray. If you thought Paul was ripe before, imagine how he felt about bathing while chained to a Roman guard 24/7.

The more interesting stories occur after Paul's imprisonment. There's one incident in which Paul is walking down a road in the countryside in Spain. The locals had told him that a certain beach was home to a sea monster, 100 feet long, that breathed fiery locusts instead of flames, and would occasionally eat travelers. Paul fearlessly walked the beach. When he reached a cave, half-underwater, the dragon challenged him. Paul rebuked him. The dragon fell as dead. The nearby townspeople heard the commotion, found the dragon in a kind of coma, and took the opportunity to chop off its head.

They brought Paul back into town and threw a party for him. Some thought he was a powerful magician. Some thought he had the power of God. Most thought he'd used too much body spray and the dragon passed out from the fumes in the confined space. The men of the village quickly associated power over mythological beasts with Paul's aroma and that is why Spain is now one of the leading importers of men's cologne.

So, was the Book of Axe written by Luke? No. It wasn't even written in the first century. It's actually a TikTok story to launch the new Axe Body Spray scent "Sea-Serpent Slayer" for markets where men's fragrances are still used to replace bathing.

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