Why did six tribes go to eBay to curse?

eBay can be a blessing. When my husband needed gently used flight suits for work—we went straight to eBay. Another time, I needed Gandalf's sword Glamdring for his birthday—eBay had it. Once, I needed a dollhouse bathtub for his retirement shadowbox—eBay to the rescue.

eBay does have issues, though. I had to order that little bathtub from China; you can't imagine the shipping costs. And it's a total time sink. One minute you're looking at waffle irons and eight hours later you're contemplating a complete set of Time/Life Civil War books.

Sadly, that convenience caused problems for the Israelites. The tribes of Israel were to rely on God for everything they needed. Back before Amazon sold more than books, eBay was way too convenient. Word is, when Aaron was having trouble finding purple yarn for the tabernacle—eBay to the rescue.

It became a real problem. The issue was the Wi-Fi in the Israelite camp was really spotty. In general, the tribes on the sides of the tabernacle only got two bars while the tribes in front of and behind had a good signal; Simeon's elders bought a repeater, so they were okay. The tribes with bad signals were always losing out on the bids. The tribes with good signals would offer to sell their extra at a big mark-up. Meanwhile, Moses was reminding them all to trust God.

So before the Israelites crossed the Jordan into the promised land, Moses had the people curse eBay. The Levites would recite the curses, and the people would shout, "Amen!"

"Cursed are eBay's multiple selling fees!"
         "Amen!"

"Cursed are sellers who use an original photo of a 20-year-old item!"
         "Amen!"

"Cursed are sellers who use poor shipping materials!"
         "Amen!"

"Cursed are buyers who outbid you at the last second!"
         "Amen!"

It seemed to work. Israelites didn't use eBay again for over three thousand years. And the format was so handy, Moses used it for more general sins, telling six tribes to stand on Mount Gerizim and six on Mount Ebal.

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