Who was Joseph of aromatherapy?

Joseph of aromatherapy was a merchant of exotic herbs and a cutting-edged businessman in Judea in the first century AD. For several years, Joseph's business floundered. One day, while in Egypt to procure a shipment of myrrh, he stood in the desert and looked at the pyramids. A bit of gold plating that hadn't been stolen yet caught the morning sun on the tip of the structure. "That's where I'd like to be," he thought to himself. He contemplated the huge stone base; "And that's how I'm going to get there."

In his tent that night he built his new business plan. First, he needed to figure out how to sell fewer herbs for a higher price. He dunked a piece of bread in a bowl of olive oil and realized—that's it! He could dilute the herbs in oil. Oil was ubiquitous. He could transport his herbs anywhere, spend a few days buying oil off the local economy, make an infusion, and sell it to the townspeople for far more than the base herbs would go for.

Second, he needed to expand his customer base. If he could get his ten cousins to buy herbs from him, they could sell them in their towns and give him a cut. And then they could sell raw herbs to their extended family and receive a cut from those sales. Joseph sat back as an image formed in his mind—an image of himself on top of a pyramid of merchants and all that money passed uphill until it reached him, covering him with gold.

The next morning, Joseph returned to his supplier and bought the entire stock of myrrh. From there, he traveled northeast to Arabia and loaded up on aloe. A quick trip to India provided the rest of the spices he needed. On his way back home, he visited his ten cousins and let them in on the plan. Nine of them agreed right away and bought the raw materials (for a modest upcharge), promising to buy more once their supplies ran out. The tenth cousin proved to be a hard sell. Joseph finally pointed out he was rich already, so what did he have to lose? He took the last of Joseph's myrrh and aloe just to get rid of him.

Joseph didn't really like him, anyway. For one thing, he was older, a member of the Sanhedrin, and had the same name. And the guy didn't really get the whole pyramid thing. Joseph found out he didn't even try to recruit sellers or make an oil infusion. No, his cousin—Joseph of Arimathea—blew the whole batch to bury some guy named Jesus.

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