Why did God cast Lucy out of heaven?

The claim that God "cast Lucy out" from heaven is partly inaccurate. In reality, God dangled heaven in front of her, yanking it away at the last moment. The surprise caused her to plummet into an eternal abyss of fire and damnation. Apparently, Lucy was not aware that the books mentioned in Revelation chapter 20 also included the entire Peanuts anthology. This means, unlike Lucifer, who was cast out of heaven for rebellion, Lucy van Pelt got herself AAUGH'ed for merely being a manipulative bully.

It is said that Charlie Brown is still laughing about the whole thing. Legend says his response was "Looks like the doctor is out…way out!" This was accompanied by a chorus of angelic children and a dancing beagle, who sang while Linus piously recited Psalm 119:84:

    "How long must your servant endure?
        Good grief, when will you judge those who persecute me?"

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